In Conversation with Sri Nithya Deekshananda
Q. How did you come to know about Swamiji?
A. I was in third year of my Mechanical Engineering course. I remember in those days I used to watch a lot of spiritual gurus on Youtube. One day when I was listening to one such video, I saw a young face in my Youtube (youtube.com/lifeblissfoundation) suggestion list. I was wondering how someone can achieve enlightenment at such a young age. I remember I became a fan of Swamiji immediately after watching his first video. In those days whenever I got some time, I used to go back to Youtube and try a few of his meditations. After 6 months of living with the teachings of Swamiji, I decided to meet him. It was more of a calling from his end. It was a Kalpataru program. Immediately when the screens opened for the Pada Puja, I felt a gush of energy up my spine, and I knew I have come back to the source. That evening when I went near him, all my desires disappeared. I just wanted to be there. In that moment the world stopped for me. Tears were flowing continuously for no reason at all. I had never experienced such a blissful state before. I knew I had found my Master, or in other words, my Master found me.
Q. When did you decide to do Inner Awakening (IA) ?
A. Immediately after my first darshan I wanted to spend more time around Swamiji and I knew IA is the best platform to be in his presence. I was studying at that time and never looked for possibilities. As soon as I started earning, IA was my top priority. But as months passed I was not saving enough to make it into a reality. Then I heard about the power of integrated declaration. I declared for May IA in March 2013 and a lot of miracles happened during this time. I made initial registration and was waiting for rest of the money to come. But just five days before IA, miraculously I started seeing the possibility of where I can get the money and within two days the whole money got arranged.
The leave of absence was still an obstacle and I was in a situation where it was almost impossible. There came a moment when I even decided to quit my job. But Kaalabhairava said in one of the akashic readings that I will get a leave and I just stayed with his statement and suddenly I got a call from my boss who convinced a lot of people and made IA happen for me. I somehow showed up on the day IA started and I still get goosebumps when I think of how the entire puzzle unfolded miraculously.
Q. Why did you choose to do Inner Awakening? What was on your mind before deciding to come for IA?
A. There came a point in my life where nothing was going right for me. They say nothing fails like success. So here was a boy who has achieved everything he wanted in the outer world and still he was not fulfilled. I was unable to get up in time, was dragging myself through the day and things started getting bad in April when I could not even focus on an iota of my work. I literally felt as if I am even struggling to breathe and I simply knew that I have to be in IA or else I may not survive. There was a strong yearning from within to transform and I knew that the Master will simply transform me.
Q. Did you get what you were expecting from IA?
A. The truth is, I got way more than what I expected. I got my whole life back. I can actually feel the 360 degree shift happening in my being. I realized that I was living with an entirely wrong cognition about life, how I lacked clarity and acted based on some notions which I had formed when I was a kid. More importantly, I realized how everyone around me was living a similar kind of life. I realized how deeply each one of us is connected. Now, after IA, every day I get up being inspired by my own life. Swamiji has freed up a lot of space in us and that is why suddenly the productivity has gone up. I cannot see a sign of boredom and depression in my life anymore, and more importantly, I feel extremely healthy and energetic.
Q. What was the most amazing experience you had in IA?
A. While we were working on finding our root patterns, during one of the meditations I had a vision that I am in my mother’s womb and she has met with an accident. I could see that in that moment of absolute powerlessness a lot of pain got stored in my system. During this powerful meditation I actually could see the whole scene of where it happened and how it happened with three dimensional clarity. I immediately called my mother and she confirmed that such an accident happened 1.5 months before I was born. I felt so relieved, as if a huge load got lifted off my chest after the entire process.
Q. What was your root pattern and how was it impacting your life?
A. I realized that the basic root pattern from which I was suffering was powerlessness and the pattern of quitting. All my life, whenever I have failed, I decided to quit before even exploring alternative possibilities. Be it profession or relationships, I quit many times just before reaching the target and slowly I was losing confidence on me. As a compensating alternative cognition to hide my weakness I became aggressive and I realized that I have hurt many people in the past. Also I had a deep feeling that life is not fair to me. All these were undercurrents in whatever I did and it always left me unfulfilled. During IA, Swamiji has given us enough protective coating to live a pattern-less life.
Q. What was your biggest takeaway from IA?
A. I can say my biggest takeaway was the real “me”. Everything else I got was a bonus, but for the first time in life I was so deeply introduced to myself. The whole architecture of my life got revealed to me and I could see the loopholes in the design I created for myself. More importantly, I could see how I can redesign and alter my reality. Apart from this, the powerful initiations like Vak Siddhi (the mystical power which manifests any declartion of the person into reality) initiation and Healer’s initiation (the initiation to heal anyone) are some of the invaluable gifts of IA. Above all, being in the presence of an incarnation for 21 days is something incomparable. All I can say, is that words are inadequate to define what happens in IA.